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Looking for the right man? First, you must be the right man
Mr. Right is Out There
The Gay Man's Guide to Finding and Maintaining Love by Dr. Kenneth D. George Alyson, $13.95 trade paper
Reviewed by Kaizaad Kotwal
We live in an age of self-help books, seminars, tapes, videos, retreats and a whole assortment of packaged mantras to help us self-actualize. We are frantically in search of longer lives, happier existences, more fulfilling and meaningful relationships, healthier minds and bodies and lasting love. We take
pills, read books, listen to tapes, watch videos, join support groups, meditate, work out, and visit spas.
The search for our perfect selves is often accompanied by one for our perfect other halves. Both these can be incredibly arduous journeys, and they often go hand in hand. Finding Mr. Right is not just a matter of snagging the right man, but indeed of becoming one to start with. If one isn't Mr. Right, it is highly unlikely that one will find another Mr. Right.
This is the fundamental precept in Dr. Kenneth D. George's new book. George asserts that it is very possible to find Mr. Right, but the
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real issues are about keeping Mr. Right around for a long time to come. For countless gay men desiring to join the 4 million other male couples in the United States in a stable and committed relationship, the questions of how to find and keep Mr. Right are of immeasurable importance.
George's book is a good coach in improving, nurturing and expanding one's romantic life. For gay men in relationships, keeping their love strong, sexy, and alive presents numerous challenges. This book offers a lot of advice, many activities and heaps of examples to help gay men sort through these issues.
Mr. Right is Out There is also a help in how to avoid Mr. Wrong, that man who does his best
to distract one from this quest.
MR. RIGHT
Mr. Wrong brings with him those common pitfalls relating to sex, monogamy, trust and emotional intimacy. In nine easy-to-read and resourceful chapters, George provides invaluable lessons and strategies that are bound to work.
The author provides examples from his private practice and from his current, longterm, personal relationship with Christopher S. Beck. George is a professor in the graduate school of education at the University of Pennsylvania where he is also the director of the program in human sexuality.
He maintains a private practice in psychotherapy, working with gay men and male
couples, and is a former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, and is a member of the Sex Information Education Council of the United States, the American Association of Marriage and Family Thera-
THERE
pists, and the American Associa-
tion of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
George tells us that his book is for those readers who are 1, looking for Mr. Right; 2, wanting to form a male
couple; 3, interested in keeping your present relationship alive and healthy; 4, needing some affirmation about this relationship; 5, examining your relationship and identifying those parts that are working well and those that are not; 6, questioning a relationship; 7, in a relationship with Mr. Wrong; 8, always finding Mr. Wrong; and 9, never finding Mr. Right.
George's writing is precise, concise and very personal and approachable. He offers many activities that individuals and couples can work on together to figure out some of the issues facing them in love and relationships. This book is well-written and can be a very valuable resource for those really willing to take a good hard look at themselves, and willing to do the work towards finding personal fulfillment.
This book is for the young or old, the country or urban, the single or involved as it attempts to help find, keep and maintain the love that we all so ardently seek and so humanly deserve.
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Mann
Continued from page 9
Santorini, which is one of my favorite places on earth. So, it's one of Flo's, too.
TM: Publisher's Weekly called the ending "fittingly cinematic."
WJM: Yes. I definitely wanted that. Not to give it away, but the ending just came to me. As I was writing the first outline of the story, I just said, "Of course. That's how it has to end."
TM: I can definitely see this as a movie. WJM: The movies have been my biggest influence, so I certainly write as if the scenes are playing out in my head like a film. It would be wonderful if someone bought the film rights, but who knows? These things take time. We sold the rights to Wisecracker two years ago, and if it happens, it happens. TM: And up next?
WJM: I'm finishing another nonfiction book, due out next year, looking at the gay experience in the Hollywood studio era. Not
to sound too immodest, but I think it will be a real groundbreaking book. It's been fascinating to research. After that, well, I might take a little break from Hollywood-themed writing.
TM: Another Men From the Boys?
WJM: Possibly. I imagine at some point I'll write another book, set within an exclusively gay world and populated by only gay characters. I hope that's the direction publishing is moving towards, offering writers the ability to write what's in their hearts and not only what can be directed at a particular niche.
I'm much more optimistic than some about publishing, although I can certainly see the decreasing opportunities and venues for a lot of gay and lesbian writers, and there are times that's scary. But I think as we infiltrate-notice I didn't say integrate—the culture more and more, our stories will continue to find ways of being told.
Tim Miller is a performer and the author of Shirts & Skin, published by Alyson.
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